I am such a complete fucking douche…. The only things I seem to talk about on here is the tiny little things that Dom does that annoy me… Which is mainly just him being drunk… Which in all honesty, isn’t even as bad as I make it sound….. Usually I’m just writing when I’m in a really shite mood and I throw things way out of proportion. I’ve really got to stop doing that. ‘Cos reading my blog makes it sound like I’m having a shite time in this relationship when really, it’s totally opposite. I’m in the most amazing relationship I’ve ever been in. I love Dom to pieces and really I can’t imagine my life without him, it would suck maybe just a little bit. He does so much for me, if ever I need anything he’s always right there for me. I know sometimes I am such a shit girlfriend, I’m really annoying, I have abandonment issues and I bitch about my boyfriend behind his back on tumblr…. I can’t believe Dom puts up with me, but I am so thankful that he does…. He’s perfect. There’s no one else I would rather be with. I just hope that he knows exactly how much I love him. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for him. I would go to the ends of the earth and back. I just wish I had the guts to pluck up the courage and tell him everything that I feel about him.

Not gona lie… All I really want right now is a cuddle from my boyfriend… but noooo, he’s on a bloody night out, again, and when he gets home (if he ever gets home) he’s going to be so wasted it’ll be ridiculous…. I haven’t seen him all day, I hardly saw him yesterday….  And I have no credit, so I cant even text him. I’ve been feeling shite all day, and I really wanted him to come home after work, but he just stayed in the pub and drank. Today of all bloody days…. And now he’s probably not going to be home for hours still, and I just can’t get to sleep. I know I won’t be able to sleep till he’s back, ‘cos I’ll sit here worrying, because he can be such a fucking idiot when he’s drunk.

I just want a cuddle.

I got a job at Wagamama…. Guess that immediately makes me 30% cooler than I already was…. Yay :D

I really love being in a relationship. I love how happy Dom makes me, how safe and secure I feel and all that…. 

But what I don’t like…. When Dom tells me he’s not going to stay out too late, so I kinda think around midnight is a reasonable time, ‘cos I like for him to go out with his friends without me, have some him time and all that y’know. But then, a few hours later it’s like “oh, I won’t be back till like 2…” and it’s like, if he’d told me that at the beginning of the night I’d be totally cool with it, he obviously needs to have some fun, he spends so much time working, I like it when he goes out and has a good time… But when I’ve got myself thinking that, oh, he’s going to be back at a reasonable time, I’m going to get to snuggle up in bed with him, after I haven’t seen him all day, ‘cos I’ve been out doing other stuff since stupid o’clock in the morning, and then he tells me he won’t be home till late, it just makes me feel a little bit shit and upset… 

And I’m one of those people that worries about people, so he tells me to go to sleep if i’m tired, but the thing is, i worry and I know that no matter how hard I try I won’t be able to sleep because I’ll be subconsciously listening out for the front door opening…  I know I have nothing to worry about, I know he’ll be fine, even though he is a complete twat when he’s drunk…  I really don’t like it when he gets too drunk… When he gets a little bit drunk, it’s fine, he gets all lovely and kind and caring (not saying that he’s not lovely and caring when he’s sober…) but when he gets too drunk, and I’m sitting here, sober as fuck, and he’s being annoying… I really hate it…

Mehhhhh….. 

Sooo, I’m back at home for a few days, giving Dom a bit of guy time to himself, so I’m keeping my mummy company… Her and her partner are going through a bad time right now, she’s decided it’s over, her partner is convinced they can make it work…. I don’t really know how I feel, but I’ve decided I can’t be in the house while he’s there, I don’t wana be in the middle of all of that… So I’ve come to the library… Also, I don’t have internet at home, so at least, in the library, I get free internet for a couplea hours, which is niiice….

It’s stupid how lonely I get when I’m not with Dom, but I guess I just spend so much time around him I’m not used to be really alone anymore…. But I’m going to start spending more time at home anyway, I just think it’s practically like I’ve moved in with him already, and we’ve only been together 4 months, so it’s kinda weird, and he needs his own time, ‘cos atm, the only time he gets away frm me is when he’s at work, so, yeh, it’s his day off today, and he gets to spend it alone…. He hasn;t texted me since last night, so not hearing from him is making me miss him more.. But I’ve told him I’ll stay home for as long as he needs to have time by himself… I think it’ll be healthy for the relationship to spend a few days apart every once in a while, it’ll probably make me appreciate the relationship and the time I actually get to spend with him even more than I do…  I guess when I’m alone I realise exactly how much Dom does for me, makes me feel kinda bad…

Meh, oh well, just a few days and then I’ll go back and I’ll be super duper happy again….

I get kinda lonely when Dom’s at work…. It sucks….

I don’t know if I’m just over reacting ‘cos I’m stressed or if I have every right to be as pissed off as I am… It’s kinda annoying… 

I just witnessed a girl coming on to my boyfriend and him not in any way making it clear that he wasn’t interested, didn’t point out that, hey, he has a girlfriend sitting right there watching it all happening… 

This girl winked at Dom. He turned round to this guy Dave, who’s one of the regulars in the star, and he was like “do you know here?” and Dave was like “no…” so Dom was like “oh, right, I think she just winked at me.” and he smiled to himself, all pleased and shit… I laughed a bit too, cos hey, I have a good looking boyfriend, I know I do.. But then the bitch turned round and was like “oh, sorry, I think I just dropped something… my jaw.” and Dom fucking loved it, he drank it all in, turned round to me and Dave and was like “right I’ll be back in uhhh..” and walked off to put his glass in the back, on his way into the back though he had to walk past the girl, and you know how guys do that walk when they jsut know they’re being watched by a girl, and he was loving it, then he walked back out again and paused by where the girl was sitting and just lapped up the attention, then came back over… By this point I was just too pissed off, he made no effort to make sure the girl knew he wasn’t interested or that he has a girlfriend, he just elt it all happen… 

And it’s not like I don’t know that my boyfriend is hot and that, yeh, girls are gona try coming on to him, he works behind a bar, all girls come onto guys that work behind bars in the hope that they’ll get a free drink out of it…  But he wasn’t even working, he was just having a drink… And so I told him I was going back to his and walked off, and he obviously realised he’d upset me or pissed me off somehow, and he just gave me that totally confused “why are you pissed off at me?” look… Well, he’s gona have to figure it out himself, ‘cos he’s stupid if he doesn’t realise what upset me…. Argh…..

I really love how Dom just expects me to stay awake and let him in when he gets home…. 

All pissed off and upsettedness aside, I do still love him to pieces. I know this is just ‘cos he’s way too drunk… 

He’s almost as bad at handling his drink as me… I say almost… It’s hard to be as bad at handling your drink as I am…..

I’m drunk and I feel sick, I would kinda just like to go to sleep right now, but I can’t, ‘cos Dom’s out in town with all his work mates, and he’s totally not going to be back for hours, even though I texted him and asked him if he could possibly come home soon, ‘cos i just kinda want a cuddle and sleep…  I’m actually kinda pissed off at him, ‘cos the one thing I asked him was for him not to get too drunk, obviously I knew he was going to get a little bit drunk, but even he said he didn’t want to get too drunk, ‘cos he’s got work tomorrow and all… But no, no, he’s absolutely fucked isn’t he, and he’s not texting back… I’d be happy if he could at least let me know when he’s going to be back, ‘cos then at least maybe I could have a little sleep and wake up for when he gets back so I can let him in…. But instead, I have to force myself to stay awake, feeling like I’m going to throw up any second, and I kinda hate it… SO I feel rightly pissed off at him…  Well, not so much pissed off as upset at him… The worst thing is,  when he gets home he won’t even care, he’ll drunkenly ramble on about how much he loves me and then he’ll pass out, and start snoring loudly and then I’ll have a really hard time getting to sleep…. I have a feeling I’ll be on the sofa again tonight… That is, if he ever makes it home… I’m actually starting to think he won’t even make it back here… And then I really will be majorly pissed off, ‘cos I’ll have stayed awake for nothing… He promised me he wasn’t going to stay out too late. And really, I wouldn’t mind, I like that he’s out having fun with his work mates, and I’d be out too if my passport wasn’t out of date and some bouncers weren’t so anal about that kind of thing….  I’m just upset…. Upset that he hasn’t even bothered to text me and let me know what’s going on… He knows I don’t like it when he gets too drunk, ‘cos it scares me and I worry about him….

I’m half tempted to get dressed and walk into town looking for him… But I wouldn’t really know where to start looking… So maybe I won’t do that…  I just don’t know what to do….